Forgiving sexism in the media we love.
Nerd circles are famous for their fandom: obsessive loyalty to a TV series/movie/book/game/etc. And while it’s perfectly acceptable to critique story progression or argue over the merits of various spin-offs and sequels, the core tenets of the franchise are generally above rebuff.
This might be a function of gratitude. Often we nerds are so grateful that some Hollywood studio or TV network has produced media so specifically tailored to our interests, we are willing to forgive things that perhaps we shouldn’t.
“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” is a favourite of almost every nerdy, intelligent feminist I know that came of age during the late 90s and early 00s. And it’s easy to see why: a strong female lead kicks some vampire ass and makes sassy comments.
But you know what? I recently watched the episode where Buffy and Spike fuck and it literally brings the house down. I was shocked by how rapey that relationship is, and how it’s portrayed as a tortured romance. When Buffy says no and tries to leave, Spike just holds her down and kisses her until she says yes. Is that narrative really one that we think is OK? Her mouth says no but her body says yes?
I get that the “idea” here is that Buffy is conflicted, but the tacit approval of sexual assault because “it’s what she really wants” is certainly an anti-feminist (anti-humanist?) idea.
This doesn’t mean that I hate Buffy, or that I think anybody should. Vampires, science fiction, witty dialogue and strong female leads will always have a place in my heart. Hell, as I write this, an episode is playing in my living room while Jac eats lunch. But I think that we need to stop just forgiving these moments out of some sort of blind allegiance to the franchise.
And I’m not just picking on Buffy. Most of the nerds I know are currently knee deep in Game of Thrones. Me too, I think it’s fantastic. That doesn’t mean that I’m comfortable with the portrayal of Daenerys Targaryen, who eventually falls in love with her barbarian husband, teaching him how to rape her in a less painful fashion.
These are difficult realities to face. We all feel a strong allegiance to the media that we love, and it feels almost like a betrayal to level such serious charges against them. But without someone saying things “I like Game of Thrones, I just don’t like its portrayal of female characters” or “The Buffy / Spike relationship isn’t OK,” we’re not going to get the truly egalitarian nerd franchises that we deserve.
